Pets in Syria
Yes, Pets in Syria.
I know what you are thinking, dear reader. I can easily anticipate your reaction. How can this brave young writer possibly churn out such cutting-edge, newsworthy reporting that lackeys in the Major Corporate Media are afraid to touch? You must wonder: how can Kicky Sack put himself in peril just to get the big story, to wrap his Cheetos-stained fingers (© 2006 Frito-Lay North America, Inc.) around throbbing pulse of Syria, check it for ring-worm, and then deliver it to your Personal Computer?
I must admit, such work isn’t easy, for I put myself in the Hot Zone every day, for you dear reader, because I am very hot. (Imagine a fancy flame behind the word Hot, perhaps a target, or some smoke, and of course my handsome profile behind the word Zone)
Yes, to obtain the information on this post - Pets in Syria – I had to go undercover as a short-haired Schnauzer and endure eating my own feces for three days as a means not to ‘blow’ my cover; I was forced to kidnap myself at gun-point; driven to hand out bribes to several top-pet store owners; needlessly kill seven cats; and go as an embedded reporter with the 5th Armed Battalion of Large-Animal Veterinarians; and feed a suitcase full of Sodium Pentothal (a trademark of Abbott Laboratories) to an unsuspecting camel. So you better enjoy this post.
So what is the scoop on pets in Syria?
Dogs: Not a lot of dogs here. This is a cultural/religious thing. On one hand, saying ‘what up, dog’ to someone in Arabic does not go over well here. In terms of religion, dogs are not looked upon with warmth in some Islamic circles. This, however, does not imply that they deserve death, as some Imams have taught, but rather they might not be deserving of $2,000 worth of dental work to reset an unfortunate over-bite as sometimes occurs in the United States. The small Christian areas do, however, have ‘inside dogs’ and people walk around with dogs from time to time. Also, more upper-class Muslim areas also have people with dogs every once and awhile. (I'm sure I'll get some e-mail for this whole dog and Islam talk . . . believe it or not, I've actually read a fair amount about this issue - here's a link before you get all huffy at me:
http://www.islamicconcern.com/dogs.asp) (sorry, I couldn't get the hyperlink to work - so cut and paste)
Cats: I live next to a cat farm. Not an official cat farm, but more of a cat settlement or perhaps retirement home. Cats are very powerful here. I think they are Unionized. Once a week two old ladies come along with big bags of meat and feed the cats, then the cats shit everywhere.
Birds: Lots of birds in cages hanging around in public here. I, for one, hate birds. I don’t mind flying birds but I can’t deal with them up close. In short, they freak me out and I’m a little afraid of them. I’m not joking.
Anyway, my neighbor has a whole pigeon . . .I’m not sure what to call it . . . collection? No. Team? Well, he makes them fly around and come back and he whistles at them like a basketball coach, but team doesn’t work. Flock, he has a flock. Sorry, dear reader, my English is deserting me while my Arabic is only decent: this is the hellish linguistic nightmare that I call my life.
Whatever, the man has got a lot of birds and most afternoons he’s out on his roof sending them around bringing them back. I’ve heard about some fierce competition between people who do this – that people ‘steal’ each other’s birds and sometimes this causes some strife and arguments. I can’t independently verify this information. But let us pretend it is true for the sake of entertainment.
Camels: No one has a pet camel in Damascus. I know horrible and racist Middle East stereotypes often involve camels, but I’ve only seen Syrians making money off this western notion at tourist sites: trying to entice one into agreeing to an expensive ride. That being said, some of the Gulf satellite stations show camel racing and then a pack of SUV’s outside the track, following the camels and kicking up dust. I actually enjoy watching these races on the TV and hopefully I’ll be able to catch a real-life race one of these days.
I know what you are thinking, dear reader. I can easily anticipate your reaction. How can this brave young writer possibly churn out such cutting-edge, newsworthy reporting that lackeys in the Major Corporate Media are afraid to touch? You must wonder: how can Kicky Sack put himself in peril just to get the big story, to wrap his Cheetos-stained fingers (© 2006 Frito-Lay North America, Inc.) around throbbing pulse of Syria, check it for ring-worm, and then deliver it to your Personal Computer?
I must admit, such work isn’t easy, for I put myself in the Hot Zone every day, for you dear reader, because I am very hot. (Imagine a fancy flame behind the word Hot, perhaps a target, or some smoke, and of course my handsome profile behind the word Zone)
Yes, to obtain the information on this post - Pets in Syria – I had to go undercover as a short-haired Schnauzer and endure eating my own feces for three days as a means not to ‘blow’ my cover; I was forced to kidnap myself at gun-point; driven to hand out bribes to several top-pet store owners; needlessly kill seven cats; and go as an embedded reporter with the 5th Armed Battalion of Large-Animal Veterinarians; and feed a suitcase full of Sodium Pentothal (a trademark of Abbott Laboratories) to an unsuspecting camel. So you better enjoy this post.
So what is the scoop on pets in Syria?
Dogs: Not a lot of dogs here. This is a cultural/religious thing. On one hand, saying ‘what up, dog’ to someone in Arabic does not go over well here. In terms of religion, dogs are not looked upon with warmth in some Islamic circles. This, however, does not imply that they deserve death, as some Imams have taught, but rather they might not be deserving of $2,000 worth of dental work to reset an unfortunate over-bite as sometimes occurs in the United States. The small Christian areas do, however, have ‘inside dogs’ and people walk around with dogs from time to time. Also, more upper-class Muslim areas also have people with dogs every once and awhile. (I'm sure I'll get some e-mail for this whole dog and Islam talk . . . believe it or not, I've actually read a fair amount about this issue - here's a link before you get all huffy at me:
http://www.islamicconcern.com/dogs.asp) (sorry, I couldn't get the hyperlink to work - so cut and paste)
Cats: I live next to a cat farm. Not an official cat farm, but more of a cat settlement or perhaps retirement home. Cats are very powerful here. I think they are Unionized. Once a week two old ladies come along with big bags of meat and feed the cats, then the cats shit everywhere.
Birds: Lots of birds in cages hanging around in public here. I, for one, hate birds. I don’t mind flying birds but I can’t deal with them up close. In short, they freak me out and I’m a little afraid of them. I’m not joking.
Anyway, my neighbor has a whole pigeon . . .I’m not sure what to call it . . . collection? No. Team? Well, he makes them fly around and come back and he whistles at them like a basketball coach, but team doesn’t work. Flock, he has a flock. Sorry, dear reader, my English is deserting me while my Arabic is only decent: this is the hellish linguistic nightmare that I call my life.
Whatever, the man has got a lot of birds and most afternoons he’s out on his roof sending them around bringing them back. I’ve heard about some fierce competition between people who do this – that people ‘steal’ each other’s birds and sometimes this causes some strife and arguments. I can’t independently verify this information. But let us pretend it is true for the sake of entertainment.
Camels: No one has a pet camel in Damascus. I know horrible and racist Middle East stereotypes often involve camels, but I’ve only seen Syrians making money off this western notion at tourist sites: trying to entice one into agreeing to an expensive ride. That being said, some of the Gulf satellite stations show camel racing and then a pack of SUV’s outside the track, following the camels and kicking up dust. I actually enjoy watching these races on the TV and hopefully I’ll be able to catch a real-life race one of these days.
posted by Kicky Sack at 9:17 PM
2 Comments:
Interesting blog you got there..
Interesting blog. I just want to share with you the whole issue on the pigeons. In older days Damascus, some people made a living by releasing their pigeons such that they meet other pigeons and bring them home. These men were called (still are) "Hmaimaty" which roughly translates to "pigeon-man". It still survives today but not as much as it used to. And of course, this "career" was mostly frowned upon by society and was not appreciated. Just thought you might be interested!
Post a Comment
<< Home